International Women's Day

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To those pissed off if they don't receive any mimosa (it smells, and stains around by the way), to those who think that it's finally time to folly around, to those who think that equal rights of men and women is to be able to go guilt free to a male stripteas, to those who think that it's only today that you have to honour your mom, sisters, friends and girlfriends, to those who think that it's just a meaningless commercial occasion, to those who speculate on it with withering, pale, small flowers way too pricy, to those who organize parties that are shameful (to say the least), to those who think that emancipation means finally having permission to go out with friends, in a word, to all those who have a completely wrong idea of why we celebrate the International Women's Day.

Wikipedia tells you briefly: "It is a major day of global celebration of women [...] of respect, appreciation and love towards women to a celebration for women's economic, political and social achievements." And to remember discriminations and violences they're still object of these days (my translation added from the italian page).

Why the mimosa? Because it's one of the first flowers you find plenty of in these days, and because the urban legend says that it was blooming outside the factory (american? german? russian? it's legend) where hundreds of women died in a fire (they were forced to work that day, locked up inside, forced to work in slavery-like conditions).

Wikipedia, once again, tells you everything. And google has a nice page with a nice project.

Why do I care so much? Why to I fire up so much? Because if we want to nit pick and go all philosophical, "women" are the biggest cultural minority, take any culture and population, women always have an inferior role or status. Because it's 2011 and if you take a job interview in the super civilized Europe, in the super civilized Italy, they ask you if you have a fiancée, how long has it been, if you're serious, and if you want to get married and if you want a family.
Because there still is who thinks that women's sole function is to find a small job and then think about having brats (having a career? Eresy!!! You don't want children? Egoist!!!), because there is still who believe that your happiness rhimes with the perfect softener, that your life purpose is split yourself between pans and ironing board... Or between tights and thongs...
Because if you have University degree, you're 25 years old and you're still home with your parents (because there's no work, because when there is it's plain exploitation... we're near being asked to pay the employer to be able to work, because when and if they look for someone to employ they want him/her young and experienced... but if anyone is willing to offer you experience, that's going to be hard... maybe we'll talk about this another time) you're a mummy's boy/ daddy's girl, and you'd better look for an old, sick, rich man to make your living...

I'm not buying it, I'm celebrating 8 march, without mimosa, because I want dignity.

Gossip

Norman Rockwell

Did you know that "to judge" has no contrary? It has plenty of synonyms, but not a true opposite. And did you know it comes from jus-dico? Literally I speak the law, I pronounce the sentence.
More, did you know that, according to some studies, gossip is at the base (well, among the bases) of the developement of language? I guess that winters in caves, working animal skins were pretty long and boring...
I confess that some years ago I used to check regularly Perez Hilton... You start with a news here and there, then you enjoy real time updates about Burton's next movie, and in no time you've developed an addiction.

And it all points to...? You'll ask.
A moment please! I'm gettin there! I'll answer.

Gossip itself is a little thing, we all do or did it, and in some way when you're talking about a friend who couldn't be there and someone is telling you why he couldn't, well that's gossip too.
The thing is that there is gossip that can ruin someone's life (try to imagine spreading the gossip that that coworker is a stalker... poor him!), but to keep this simple without dramatic examples, gossip backfires.

You know that people say you shouldn't care for what people think. You know it, you should do it... but actually managing to it's not that easy: we live plonged in people since we were born, and willing or not is since we were born that what others think about us affects us (they have an influence on the way we see... ourselves!)
Gettin rid of these effects and influences is good, it requires time but it's possible: I think I've already stated on this blog that the fact that your mother thinks you'd look better with shorter hair doesn't actually make it shorter, and that your opinion is as worthy as hers (or anyone's else), and the best way to achieve this goal is to prove with your actions that what you think is worth it.

But how can we get rid of other people's judgments if we're the first in line spreading them? How can we get rid of the effect that "What's wrong with your hair" has on us, if we're the first ones muttering "Oh em gee, what had she in mind?" when we see someone's picture?
To me is crystal clear that if our brain is so automatic in sentencing whenever it can, then it's also crystal clear that it will be offended as soon as it receives sentences alike.
And all these sentences are but a bunch of "heard say" and "common thought", and while there's nothing wrong with the will of being part of something, be accepted and participate, heck, it's the very core of society!, if you listen carefully how those judgments go, you'll hear something like this: "Oh my gawd, look at that, I would be so ashamed!". I would be so ashamed, because evidently that one doesn't, and most of all: I would be ashamed because I think it's ridiculus, therefore I think that if I had the guts to do that others will laugh to me because I am laughing about that.

I stopped reading gossip sites when I realized that my reactions were more bitchy and touchy.
And I have to admit that since I stopped, I feel so much better, I get offended really really hardly and I find it really difficult to say things "oh look at her, what's she wearing???", better when I hear things like that my usual response is something along these lines "If she likes it, what's your problem with it?". I know, I'm annoying :P
(This doesn't mean I like anything I see, but at least I don't think that my taste should be a universal law ;) ).

What about you? Troubles with gossip? Ways to get rid of it? Tell me, tell me!

Open letters

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Dear you,
15 years old, more or less. Going out with the same corduroy trousers and huge scarves, like the ones I used ten years ago, like the ones other wore ten years before that. Reading Efraim medina Meyes on the train, when I used to read  Martin Millar, anyway, anything goes as long as it has some rock in it. With kohl around your eyes, and writings all over your old sagged backpack. With your head full of thoughts, deep ones too for your age, and you know that, full with expectations and ideals.
Know that you'll be hurt from then to now, but know also that you'll become stronger and wiser each time. Know that maybe the toughest period still has to come, but it ends eventually, and you step out of it with your head up high, I know you don't believe me right now, but you'll also be happy, satisfied, smiling.
Know that underneath the tucked trousers and the office purse, that I wear 'cause I have to and that you look at with scorn, there still is the will to crack the world open to see what's inside it and then to put it back together as you please.
And even though I can tell you "sheesh girl, you did it!!!" I can also tell you no, you won't find answers to all those contradictions and oddities you've just begun to collect... but you learn to pour something yours in it, give it your print and go on like that. I can tell you that it's a good answer, when people ask you "how do you see yourself in ten years?", to answer "twentyfive years old", because now it seems an endless time, but they fly away and everything turns upside down and inside out, like a sock. And I can grant you that inside you'll feel still the same, yet a bit changed, and that these words will make sense, clearly.
Well, I'm on the edge of obvious and tacky, and you already have a hard time giving me trust, because it's widely known that being somewhat cynical works as a shield, but it also damages a little on the inside. Nothing dreadful, don't worry.
So here it is, I thought I would write to my old 15yo self, but then I looked around and saw lots of teens like I was, and I wanted so much someone who could tell me "you're doing fine, don't worry, keep up with it, it's not easy, but it worths it". Got it? ;)

And now dear you,
or better, me, in ten years, therefore 35. Maybe now I do have some idea on how I see me in ten years, but I don't have as much to say as in the previous letter. If I were to list everything I hope for it would turn out like a wishlist to Santa. A pretty cheesy one. Anyway I'm committing to try my bes, and now let me jump into a space-time paradox: I hope you're happy with what I've done, how I made things turn out for you, I mean to follow my passions and expectations, 'till now it worked out pretty well. As of now I ask but true independence and the ability to not turn grey. But knowing where we come from... it's very unlikely ;)

Shyguy

 

img thanx to Benjamin_B_Bunny

I'm not here to tell you how this character was meant to be in another videogame but ended up, due to it's success, in Super Mario.

I'm here as aunt Euforilla: my referrer list, that super useful tool that tells me who arrives and how on Profession Muse, told me that many times people ended here looking for "being shy with girls".

Main thing is: what I write about shyness is unisex, but I admit that this blog has a peculiar feminine allure.

So to patch things up here I am, dear kids, consider me your bug into hostile territory (but it is not hostile at all, and maybe this is one of the first things you have to understand).

Since you're men and you don't like frills and lace I'll sum things up in a pragmatical list, ok?

Rule #1) There is no, alas, manual that tells you what to do (forget all that crap on men magazines, ok?), there is no general rule for femalekind, maybe some generalization is possible, but I'd hardly trust it. So would you mind if we start from the premise that a "girl" is first and foremost a "person"?

#2) We're down to start from you: have you ever wondered why that nice blondie you're interested into seems so cynical and cruel? Or, why are you "scared"?

More, I bet you've already prepared your personal "worst case possible" movie. Good, now I want you to film the opposite: remember that everything is always 50/50, what may go bad, may also go well!

#3) If all talks about shyness (mine, the ones you read around, the ones you hear from your friends) still haven't done their job (because they will be effective on you only when you truly want them to) you can try with physical activity, I know it's hard, now it's cold outside, you sweat, it's a pain in the a**... but, other than a gain in health, and a further gain in looks (let's get this straight: it helps at least a little in these cases), it also helps building self esteem and self awareness, that is: exactly what you're looking for right now!

#4) Last but not least, maybe the very reason why I've started writing all this: what if the blondie actually laughs at you, steps brutally on your feelings, spit in your eye and call you a looser of a rat... would you really keep contacts with such a bitch? I mean... I don't care how beautiful and blonde she is, don't get stuck with Miss Acidity, the world is full with ladies that are dealing with the same shyness issues, the same curious questions about you. See rule #1: we are persons, so we're likely (we can't be that general and completely exclude the "jerks" cathegory, from any kind of people we're dealing with) far from the idea of hurting someone, just because.

You don't need to serenade her with flowers and chocolates, just throw a suggestion here and there, some small compliment: if she wants to hear them... ;)

Being Happy

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I am happy.

Now you. Try and really say it.

Many people can't do it, they just mock it (or mock themselves?), they don't believe it, nor they think it's possible they feel guilty or else.
Mostly because many people tend to idealize happiness, they mistake it for some absolute bliss, an earthly and unreachable nirvana. Lame example: if I think that I'll be happy only when I'll reach X I'm already postponing my happiness, and even if I actually reach X I wouldn't be satisfied, postponing again.

Heck, google can tel you that happiness is but a state of mind, a choice you can make now. And yes, I also believe that is some sort of natural consequence of being positive and optimists.
Once again, just to have this clear, it doesn't mean being constantly happy for any silly thing, it means being able to choose what things matter and choose how to feel about them.
This also carries a big consequence: choosing battles that are worth fighting for (and please excuse the gaudy phrase).

Anyway Epicurus wrote a beautiful Letter on Happiness  (I'm not much into ipse dixit, but now I could use some, so why not start from the beginning, among those who wrote about happiness? ;) )
Moreover I have a thing for nice pictures with nice words, so take this selection I've made!

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Being Positive

 

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Let's get this straight: if it's a man, possibly old and terminal, talking about it, then he's wise. If it's a "kid" like me, then she's naive. But let's really say it: when the old wise man is speaking many listen, nod and praise his wisdom, then they go back doing exaclty what they did before, like nothing happened, or like they've been to just an enjoyable show.
But when the "kid" is talking, she's immediately named naive, because the "kid" is just like anyone else, she grew up like them, she lives in their world, she has their same chances, she has their same health, she has their same free time to waste on the net, she's privileged like them, in short she's - odd but possible - exactly equal to them. So that they may end up asking themselves "why can't I?". It's bothering, isn't it?
There really is some sort of equation in people's thoughts: cynical = rational.

But thinking positive, being optimists, doesn't mean I believe in unicorns, I see everything through heart shaped glasses and I think I live over the rainbow.
If you want I can give you a list of things that are "wrong", from pharmaceutical labels promoting only the research they're interested, for money, into, to ice getting thinner, from children who starve to death, to the extinction of the bees, but what for? Nowadays you only need to talk about it, so you'll look like you're informed, up to date, concerned and stressed like anybody else. But in the end just talking about it won't change anything, it's like playing with "ohmygod" stuff without really dealing with it.

Because yes, it's true, things go wrong and they can go worse.
But those same things going wrong may also go better, and it's not about being naive, it's about chances: fifty fifty.
And if you start thinking about it this way, you also start acting, doing something to help things get better.

And you know what? If you start behaving like this you may also start thinking that some things can do just fine already.

The Labyrinth

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Happy birthday to me!!!
And to celebrate I'm going with one of my favourite topics! The Labyrinth!!!
Since I can't reproduce all the movie here for you, I've decided to write a "did you know that...?" kind of post.
WARNING: if you've never seen this movie I could spoil you some things, so please jump at the mark * at the end.

Here we go.
Did you know that...

...it's a veeery '80s movie (you just need to look at Sarah's shoes and eyebrows to know it!)? Precisely it is from 1984
..."she" is Jennifer Connelly, and she was only 14 and super super gorgeous already?
...the soundtrack is almost entirely by David Bowie, aka Jareth the gobling king, a-to-the-mazing?
...other than these two (almost unkown uh?) actors, we have names like Jim Henson (The Muppets), Brian Froud, and George Lucas (Star Wars, anyone?)
...there is no computer-graphics involved, it was all made with robots, puppets and costumes?
...there is plenty of online communities where you can find out what shoe size the biting fairy had? With fan fictions, clues about the book that has been written after the movie (which I've found used, thanx again Spleen for pointing me at it!) or about the mangas that make a sequel of the story (I'm quite curious, but I'm afraid to know what they have made of it), and the eternal question "If they were to re-make it, who would they call?" and the usual answer is "God forbid a remake!"
...the worm, in the italian version, has a french accent, and all the other creatures have quirky voices, not different english accents?
...the stair scene is based on Escher's drawings?
...Toby is Froud's son, and is really named Toby?
...if you look really well into Sarah's bedroom, at the beginning, you'll see all the characters she's going to meet
...it's a modern fairy tale? I mean, at least she's not one of those sappy princesses that need a kiss from prince charming to be rescued: she's a teenager, she screws something up and she has to grow to make things up, and doesn't fall for a charming yet cruel goblin king... though, to be honest, with a goblin king like that and his "forget the baby", given my non-existent maternal instinct, I would have gone for it quite happily!
...the labyrinth itself has really old history and meaning (starting from labyrinths from five thousand years ago, to modern garden or lunapark labyrinths, they are still amusing), usually they are a geometric design with an inextricable path... and the point is to get to the center and then exit it again. It's easy to understand that it's a symbol for an initiating journey, or using more modern words, therefore more psycological instead of alchemic, a path for becoming, the path of life. Oh I'm so deep! And did you know that the word labyrinth comes from the greek (or so it seems) lebheris, hare?
...the ball scene in the crystal ball (no pun intended) is the only one with real people?
...I think it's a logical/philosophical movie? It may sound silly, but think of Hoggle: he's not giving Sarah any right answer untill she asks him the right questions; she's giving everything for granted, she can ask to just one of the four creatures at the doors; she can talk with doorknobs, yet one can answer but not hear, the other one can hear but it can't talk; the creatures that spin the tiles; Jareth speeds up the time 'cause she said "it's a piece of cake"; the solution to the "vow" made by Sir Dydimus; the useless answer from the Wiseman; Sarah's closing lines; Jareth's promise ("do as I say, and I'll be your slave"... it sounds strange, but it has it's own logic)... wow, I could have written a thesis on this!!!

Ok, I'm stopping here, it's better! And now I feel like watching it again!
What about you, have you seen it? Did you like it? Are you happy now whenever you see a labyrinth, soap bubbles, striped pajamas, crystal globes, Bowie's songs and thirteen hour clocks? Show yourselves! You're not alone!
Oh, and I've asked Sadako to tell it her own way, I'm looking forward to read what she comes up with! ^^

* You've never seen The Labyrinth? Let me rephrase.
YOU HAVE * N E V E R * SEEN THE LABYRINTH?

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And what the heck are you still waitin for, you're still here???

Memento Mori

 

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This post isn't happy. If you're easily influenced or impressionable I don't think you should read, but I need to spit this out.

It all comes from a nightmare I had some months ago. Which is weird as it is, because generally i do not remember my dreams.
To cut it short, it was a very sad dream: I was dying and I had all the time I wanted to think back to people I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to, and to all the things I would have loved to do but never had the chance to.
I woke up utterly depressed.
I avoided thinking about it for days, but I ended up one sunday thinking about it all, writing down the most depressing stuff I could think of. There were plenty.

Then I realized that that nightmare wasn't all bad.
I thought about baroque architecture and its two most used expressions: memento mori and horror vacui.
Horror vacui, just to give you my two cents about history of art, literally means being afraid of the emptiness, therefore the need, in baroque style, to fill up any little space with decorations (the fact that usually just the facade was this decorated, is something we're not interested in right now).
The other expression means "remember you have to die". Happy, isn't it? But this explains the abundance of skulls, skeletons, dance macabres & co, to make people remember to behave properly in this life, to be rewarded in the afterdeath.

Ok, it's all so interesting, now shall we discuss how all of this may help in these cases?
It may be useful because to me, this nightmare was some kind of alarm, it was my own memento mori, the classic life is short, live it now (yeah, they also had another latin writing tempus fugit, time runs).
Of course I know I've been lucky in having just a nightmare and nothing worst.
It's always: "untill you smash your head againts it, you don't grasp it really".

Ironically enough death is the only certainty we have in life, and to live lightheartedly we tend to forget or ignore it, but to be left astray when the grim one steps beside us -for any reason. So I've decided I'm going to eliminate the fear of voids by filling up my life with all those things I always wanted to do, by constantly staying in touch with people I love (and telling them I do).

Heck, I've hung a huge skull in my bedroom not to forget!
Now I'll quit depressing you, and I'm going to tell you a little bit about the ace of spades and the card XIII in tarots, the death. Ok, we're still ontopic!
BUT!
Did you know that the ace of spades is the highest card of the deck? The one that has the higher value.
And let's get this straight, usually, in deks, it's the better looking one!
In tarot deks, even though it looks and sounds scary, the card of Death usually has a positive meaning: a radical change, a new beginning, healing (ironical, uh?).
If we want to keep up with parallelisms the ace of spades in tarots is one of swords, and it is the pure power of intellect, intuition, innovation, mind, intelligence, creativity.
Powerful and rich messages (the name of the god of the underworld, Pluto, means richness, wealth) in disguise, maybe because it takes courage and bravery to trust your own mind and jump into change?
After all who stops is lost ;)

Let me share some links with you, to cheer you up after all this! I've found the first video thanks to Corinne, from Frock and Roll, the second one is quite unrelated, but it was a well needed and due quote!
 

I want to live now.

Sam Credo - American Gods, Neil Gaiman

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"It's not easy to believe."
"I," she told him, "can believe anything. You have no idea what I can believe."
"Really?"
"I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen — I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it." She stopped, out of breath.
Shadow almost took his hands off the wheel to applaud. Instead he said, "Okay. So if I tell you what I've learned you won't think that I'm a nut."
"Maybe," she said. "Try me."




Isn't this just perfect? Can it be some part of my personal Manifesto? Yesssssssss
Plus if you still haven't, please do read this book, it's wonderful!

Useful questions

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Here we are, this is the last post for my "Quarter life crisis" series. Sometimes, to quote Hoggle (from The Labyrinth, my source of wisdom), you need to ask the right question to have the right answer.

Other than the classics "who am I" "what do I really want" "where am I going" "where do I come from" (ok, I've never really got this one, maybe I'm wrong, but it always seemed quite clear to me) there are questions that are useful to feel better.
We have the questions for EFT, the ones that you use with yourself, almost chatting with yourself, to find out what's bothering you, what it feels like, what it looks like and so on.
We have the questions from the Sedona Method, another technique to release negative emotions.
We have pragmatical questions, questions that help you accomplish things: can I reach my goal now? If not, what can I do now? Can I reach X without doing Y? What can I do to reach Y?

Then we have questions I would have carved in stone. I couldn't put them in order of importance, because they are equally important, depending on each case:

- in ten years, will it still matter?
When you're angry, or upset for something ask yourself this question. The simple imagination of yourself in ten years will shift your attention from what's upsetting you, to your future. I bet that the answer will be "no, actually it won't matter anymore!"

- why does it bother you so much?
I think this one comes from Jung, and it means that when something (an habit, an action, a something, a je ne sais quoi) about someone bothers you really much, really gets on your nerves, ask yourselves why is that.
Very often we find that other people's annoying flaws annoy us because those are our own flaws, or something we don't like/don't accept in ourselves... or maybe, it's something we would like to have, or to be.
Granted some things bother us for their own sake, I don't like people being rude because I don't like rudeness in general. But when you're dealing with something subtle, not so clear, ask yourseves why.
And be honest with yourselves, don't go like it's always and only other people's fault.
This question helped me so much in my personal growth, in changing parts of me I didn't like and in appreciating many other things that otherwise I would have lost.
Plus, if you ask yourselves why that bothers you so much, and you find out that it is just something you can't stand, you will react to that, instead of reacting to that person.

- who said that?
This one blew my mind, an my beloved Icon asked me it: one day I was telling her something along these lines "But anyway that's useless, I know it's not going to turn out good". At this she replied, as quietly as a cat nap in the afternoon, "Who said that? Is that something you heard from someone, or are these words coming from within you?" BAM! Enlightment! Nobody actually told me those words, I was putting myself down before even trying!
And how many times did I do something like that? How destructive this is?

- is it still true?
In some ways this question is linked to the previous one: maybe someone once said something to you, or you've heard something that concerned you. Maybe it was something bad, or negative, or something that still affects you somehow.
A classic example? Maybe you've heard your mother telling someone "Oh, she's so shy!". Et voilà! Life-long shyness is granted! Because you believe it, because you think that you're mother is right, and you start to collect all the evidences that prove it.
So now ask yourselves: how many beliefs on yourselves you still hold true? How many of those self-fulfilling prophecies your parents carelessly dropped are still valid? How many of these beliefs are in you because of other people? How many are still valid? And true?

People change, I hope these questions will help you like they help me. And if you know any other brilliant questions, please leave them in the comments, I want to know!!!

Things I've learned while writing my thesis

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Write a thesis is the final step to graduation. Nothing new here... Nothing new either in saying that it will take different amounts of time, it's a very stressing period, highs & lows everywhere, and for me it has been a time for personal growth.

It's no secret that while you're writing you'll experience stops and unforseen events, and this will make you age ten years in a second... but it all depends on how you will react to it and what you'll lear from it, this is what will make a difference.
You won't learn only stuff about your topic (even though what I've learned this way will be useful, of course), but you'll learn tons of stuff about yourself, if you're aware enough to acknowledge it.

To sum up I could say "Calm seas don't make sailors", but to go a bit more into details I'll, guess what, list things for you :P here's what I feel I've learned... and I'm far more happy about this than about what the thesis is worth on its own

1) beginning and forcing yourself to go on is really the hardest part, but you'll eventually get used to it
2) giving yourself little goals is soooo useful, this way you won't be overwhelmed by the "ohmygawdI'llneverdoallthiswork" issue
3) then give yourself small rewards (read 100 pages? eat a cupcake. wrote 10 pages? paint your toenails. fixed two chapters? have a nap. etc)
4) sometimes stating (asserting ;) ) things is better than to ask for: if you say something as it is already a matter of fact, it's likely to be taken with no opposition or objection
5) listening to some soft, low volume, classical music really helps to be more productive... like cows with mozart!
6) force yourself every single day to do at least a little work, no matter how little it is, no matter if you'd rather go to the dentist and have him rip off your wisdom tooth (or all four of them, in one session)... this way, the day you'll want to work (or won't mind to) you'll find yourself with tons of work already done
7) have some time for yourself, otherwise you're going to burn out soon
8) "being tidy and organized" doesn't have the same meaning for everybody. To one migh mean to have nothing out of place, to another one something different. When you'll have found your own mental and practical organization and tidyness you'll be set!
9) "In ten years, will this still be so important?" this is one of the best questions ever! ask it yourself when you're upset for something... (I could scale down the "importance" of an issue to less than a month, then to a week... and it's already gone XD)
10) sadly in life you'll have to deal with real morons and negative people (someone doesn't need to be pessimist, or evil to be negative... to me negative people is those frustrated people that need to shower you with their frustration, but hello? it's not my problem... those people that leave you kinda tired after seeing them... those people you're not thrilled to see if it happens to meet them or if you know you have to) even more sadly there's nothing to do against this kind of self righteous stupidity... so just deal with them as fast as you can, don't argue and change path as soon as you can ;)
11) with these kind of people, also, sometimes asking "please" and saying "thank you" is seen as a sign of weekness... as soon as you realize it change behavior and remember point 4!


then, for stuff I've learned strictly about myself (stuff that may not appeal to a general bulletpoint :P) here the list goes on:
12) I had the pleasant surprise to find myself strong enough to get angry and "fight" for those battles I thought it was worth to fight (instead of getting all nervous and teary)
13) I realized that when I AM happy of what I did (how I did it, what I achieved etc) it really does NOT matter what others think (actually I was thinking "and screw the rest"... oh I'm so ladylike when I talk like that...)
14) I liked myself more for being able to find so many positive things in a rough period ^_^